Wednesday, April 16, 2014

needing to put it all out there..

When life gets hard and you have no one to talk you write it down right?! Something just has been pulling at me to log into this poor excuse for a blog of mine and write it all out. Help me move forward and also be able to look back on this time.

This month has been so crazy so many extreme emotions going on. We moved into a new home, its perfect and slowly feeling like home but we where basically pushed out of our old home and that made moving hard and stressful. We had a major falling out with Aj's family, its so sad when people just really cant get along or talk out there issues. For now the kids and I are just stuck in the middle of it but it really hurts that those family members wont be part of our life for the forseeable future. This has caused so much stress, have I ever told you how much of a stresser I really am. Im a stresser.. about everything and It eats me up inside, like a horrible monster. I think iv cried more this month than I did the whole year of 2013 and I was pregnant and gave birth in that year. Besides the feeling of loss with Aj's family we felt a bit more loss with loosing a very early on pregnancy. No we weren't trying and it was a surprise but any child made out of love is such a beautiful miracle. Sadly it was cut super short and we probably could have never even known we where pregnant but with a missed period, early light pink spotting, and a terrible terrible bout of bleeding and loosing a few clots just like that its gone. Im okay, we are okay and believe everything happens for a reason and it just was not meant to be. As a woman, as a mother I'm finding it harder than Aj to just move on from it. Im sad, like really sad and I feel like we lost a little part of me.. of us. But with time ill be okay, Im sure sooner than later but for now I am grieving a bit for what could have been.
Life throws things at you and doesn't it seem that its all at once?! Or is that just me..
The days keep passing and I cant just sit and dwell and be sad for what has happened, there is happiness to be found in each day and I am doing my best to find what makes me happy.

Currently keeping me smiling:
1. The way sophia jumps around being silly just to get a big ol' belly laugh out of her brother.
2. All night snuggles with my husband.
3. Dexters toothy grin, he's gotten 4 teeth in the past two weeks. Making for a total of 6!
4. Homemade salsa with chips (stuffing my face at this very moment)
5. Pinning cute home decor and having the freedom to decorate our new home exactly as we want.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

life with two

Life with two can be hectic, more sleepless nights than you can imagine. Lots of diaper changes, potty breaks, and constantly being needed for one thing or another. Life with two is also beautiful! Feeling so fufilled and being surround by so much love. Always having some one to love on, boo boos to kiss, and constant reminders of what life is truly about. Watching my children grow is the greatest part of my entire life. Seeing the love they already share for each other, brings me to tears. Dexter loves to just watch sophia and follow her with his eyes, she really makes him smile so big just by talking to him or making a silly face. I couldn't of ever imagined how it would really be to be a mom of two children. Life is so magical, I get to watch these two beautiful kids grow. Watch them learn and become their own little person. I am blessed.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Holiday pictures!

I feel like the holidays are coming so fast this year! Maybe its the days seem to fly by with a two year old and a baby, I swear the weeks and months have gotten so much shorter with two kids. I wanted to try and be proactive and took the babies to get their pictures taken and to order our Holiday cards in hopes of actually getting them sent out before Christmas. I took them to Jcpenny Portrait studio. They always do a wonderful job and have pretty great coupons to help save some money. Sophia did so well and really loved it. The pictures came out great and I cant wait to go pick them up in a few weeks! I joined the two year members club so we will be going often for pictures with no sitting fees. I ordered our holiday cards from Shutterfly.com with two coupons I ended up getting $20 worth of cards and shipping all for free! Oh do I love a good deal and who can say no to free. Here is a little preview of the pictures..








Saturday, July 20, 2013

I can't stop daydreaming...

About our little boy of course! 
Im so ready for that first glance of him seeing who he looks like, scanning his whole body counting fingers and toes. I dream of him looking just like Sophia as a newborn, identical to their daddy. Secretly hoping he comes out a toe head blonde like Aj was. I keep dreaming of that new baby smell, holding him close skin to skin and taking in deep breaths of his sweet smell trying to memorize it forever. Im looking forward to the first time nourishing him with my body and starting the amazing bond of breastfeeding. Every little thing about him excites me.. I just cant wait. Seeing the look in Aj's eyes as he gets the first real look at his sweet boy his first son, by then I will surely be a blubbering mess. Finally the thing I day dream of most the first time his very excited and eager little sister will fix her eyes on him, she will instantly love him and know exactly who he is... I know it. She is counting down the days more closely then I, constantly telling her daddy and I how she wants to "hold it" "kiss baby broder" "play dino's too momma?" She is ready, we all are so ready.
Four days little man, four days till you change our entire world for the better! I am so excited.

Monday, July 15, 2013

single digit countdown!

9 days! Nine days, oh my god 9 days. Can you tell Im excited? Just 9 short (hopefully) days till our little boy is scheduled to be delivered. Our bags are packed and already in the car, minus the essential bathroom toiletries ill grab the day of. The stroller is built and I am secretly dying to take it for a spin! Carseat is in the car, crib is assembled, little clothes are washed and hung in his closet just waiting to be worn. Now what?! I just sit and wait and continue dreaming of a sweet little boy with a face probably like his daddy and sister with maybe blue eyes or hazel. Im curious if he will have hair with all this heart burn he better. But we are ready, so ready. Aj thankfully has some paid vacation time from work he needs to use up so he will be home with me for basically the first two weeks to help with healing and Sophia adjusting to having to share momma. Im so thankful and happy that we will get that time together, the four of us to just be a new family of four and love on each other. I have one last OB appointment this week to be checked and get all the last information I need about delivery day. Then just waiting for my pre-op visit the 24th and delivery day the 25th! Its all gone by so fast and I feel bad I didn't blog or write about it much but Im really hoping to blog about his first few years of life and all the joy he is going to bring to our little family. Did I mention he has a name?! Oh yes he does our sweet boy will be named...
Dexter Grayson

sweet sweet Dex.... 

Friday, July 12, 2013

Our last few days just her & I

Iv been extra sappy the last few days knowing we have less than two weeks till baby boy will be here. Im feeling all these rushes of emotions, happiness, nervousness, excitement, fear... Sophia is taking notice and can tell that we are nearing his big arrival. She is always asking about "brober" and when he will come. She says she will kiss him and hold him, share her dinos and play with him and every time it melts my heart. I get this mental picture of how they will be together, at first of course she will probably just smother him in kisses and pokes during his sweet slumber but eventually they will play, laugh, and share little secrets. They will have something special a bond that I hope will flourish and grow over the years and make them the best of friends. I hope at least thats how it will be. I also have these reservations, maybe Sophia wont adjust well she is so used to having all my attention 24/7 and daddies complete attention when he is home from work and he weekends. Soon she will have to share us, I think she is ready but we really wont know till he is actually here. Im soaking up all the little moments alone with her, the special laughs we share and extra snuggles in the middle of the day. She has such a beautiful light about her that makes everyday so beautiful. Ill hold her a little tighter the next week or so and tell her I love her a few more thousand times a day than I already do. I hope she knows how special she is to me and even with another baby coming she is still and always will be my baby girl.

Monday, June 24, 2013

This sad sad blog.

I haven't blogged let alone checked this poor blog in over two months. Why? Life got busy and hectic and honestly, I wasn't feeling to inspired to write although lately iv been missing it and even making little entries on my I-phone notes when I just had to get it out. But here I am back at it and really wanting to get back into my groove and start staying up to date and making goals for this tiny place of mine. Lets say at least two posts a week and maybe trying to spruce things up on here too.
  Ill fill you in a bit on whats been going on in our lives! Sophia has been great and getting so big/smart. She's talking all day and in full sentences mostly. We have been passing a horrible stomach virus back and forth between the three of us for nearly the past month, lets just say lots of sleepless nights and dirty laundry... yuck. Luckily it looks like it has finally passed thanks to lots of rest, snuggles, and lysol disinfectant. Baby boy is doing great and we are in the home stretch, about 4 weeks till our scheduled c-sections. Ill do a post soon with lots more details and updates on baby!

-More to come very soon, Promise ;)